


Sherlock, the RPG: When In Doubt, Roll and Shout

by CaffieneKitty



Series: Sherlock the RPG [1]
Category: Role-Playing Games, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role-Playing Game, Crack, Dialogue-Only, Everyone is playing a game, GURPS - Freeform, Gen, Humor, Non-British multi-voice dialogue with occasional gesture direction, Not RPF really, Steve Moffat is a mean GM, dice rolls can kill you, excessive use of the word "dude", leeeetle bit of meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-03
Updated: 2012-06-03
Packaged: 2018-01-01 09:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffieneKitty/pseuds/CaffieneKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A climactic scene from "A Study in Pink" rendered as part of a tabletop role-playing game held in Steve's North American basement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sherlock, the RPG: When In Doubt, Roll and Shout

**Author's Note:**

> Will make more sense if you have rolled polyhedral dice at some point in your life. Role-playing system used in here is SJG's Gurps, but I don't think you need to know anything about it. It's a bit weird. Title added for AO3 posting.
> 
>  _Disclaimer:_ I DISCLAIM ALL THE THINGS.  
>  _Originally posted on Livejournal June 3, 2012_

_Voices_  
 **Steve:** GameMaster  
 **Marty:** Playing Dr. John Watson  
 **Ben:** Playing Sherlock Holmes

 

Steve: "You can see Ben and an old guy in a hat in the room, about to take pills."

Marty: "I bust into the room and stop them!"

S: "Um, no. The room across the alley. In the other building."

M: "What?"

S: "You had a fifty-fifty chance, Marty, you picked the wrong building."

M: "Oh, that is so not fair. Can I make it out and around?"

S: "Sherlock is in the process of taking a pill. You'd be too late."

Ben: "It's okay! I know I'm right!"

M: "Dude! I told you! Princess Bride! There is no right pill!"

B: "Naw, Steve wouldn't base a major plot point on an '80's fantasy romance."

S: "Uhhhh, yeaaaah...."

M: "Fine, I shout at him."

S: "Too far away, the window on their side is closed."

M: "Are you trying to kill off Ben's character? The game just started."

S: "He made the choice to go off alone with a serial killer and leave you behind with the drug bust cops."

B: "I'm Overconfident and Curious! I'm playing my disadvantages!"

S: "To the death. Next character you do up, take Common Sense, please?"

B: "Naw, I'll be playing Mycroft if Sherlock ever bites it. Which he won't, 'cause he's awesome!"

S: *facepalm* "Anyway! The cabbie's going on about how much it sucks to be bored and stuff."

B: "I'm totally right. I know it. I'm taking the pill."

M: "Fuck! Shoot him!"

B: "What?! You're shooting me?"

M: "Well, I meant the cabbie, but if it'll stop you committing suicide by stupid, hell yeah!"

S: "Ummmm, Marty? Sense of Duty?"

M: "I can still give him a spurious injury! I've only known him a day!"

S: "Long enough."

M: "Fuck. Fine. I shoot the cabbie."

S: "For real?"

M: "Yes."

S: "You do know what kind of modifiers you're looking at?"

M: "I'm shooting something. Either I hit the cabbie, or I hit Mr. "I'm going to smart myself to death" or I hit nothing and distract them anyway."

S: "So you're either taking a wild shot or you're targeting-"

M: "The cabbie."

S: "From the angle, you're shooting through the hex occupied by Ben."

M: "That'll teach him to be an idiot."

B: "Hey!"

S: "Right. So. Negatives for distance, darkness-"

M: "They're in a lit room."

S: "Okay, fine, no darkness penalty. Through two windows, paned glass, occupied hex, you're looking at a negative 14 to the roll."

B: "What?"

M: "Sounds about right, yeah."

S: "Miss by 8 or more, you shoot Sherlock."

M: "Yup."

B: "WHAT?! I duck!!"

M: "You don't even know I'm there, dude, shut up."

S: "So you're taking the shot?"

M: "I'm taking the shot."

B: "You kill me, I will haunt your ass."

S: "No ghosts in this game, Ben."

B: "Fine. You kill me, my big brother Mycroft will fuck your entire life over."

M: "Like he wouldn't do that if I let you take poison. Anyway your big brother doesn't scare me-"

S: "-and 'John' doesn't know he's your big brother yet, 'Sherlock', so stop meta-gaming."

M: "Right. To me he's your 'arch-nemesis', so as far as I know, if I shoot you he'll send me a fruit basket. Anyway, if I shoot you, you'll get injured. If you take that pill you'll die."

B: "It's not poison! I'm right!"

M: "Princess Bride! Seriously!"

S: "Guys, chill. It's your action, Marty, are you taking the shot?"

M: "I'm taking the shot."

B: "Can't I sense he's there and duck anyway?"

S: "Nope."

B: "Come on! I've got Alertness level 5!"

S: "Got Danger Sense?"

M: "Obviously not."

B: "Shut up Marty!"

M: "Just saying."

B: "So okay. Fine. It's the first session, right? I can do a new character if you kill me."

M: "So rolling-"

B: "Please don't kill me!"

M: "Fine! I'll try not to! Fire!" *rolls dice*

B: "...twelve. You rolled a twelve, with a negative.... Oh god, I'm dead. I'm totally dead."

M: "Made it. Just."

B: "...WITH A NEGATIVE 14 MODIFIER??"

M: "Yeah? My Guns skill is 26."

B: "What??"

M: "We're the same starting point value. You sunk yours into IQ, science, alertness, eidetic memory, crap like that. I'm a doctor with combat experience. I had points to spare after the medical stuff, so...."

B: "Holy shit."

M: "What did you think, I sunk it all into Sex Appeal?"

B: "Kind of, yeah."

S: "So! When the dust clears, the cabbie is on the floor, bleeding out from a shot to the shoulder."

B: "Dude. I _love_ you."

M: "Um. 'Kay...."


End file.
